How to choose the right therapy and therapist?
You don't have to suffer alone. It's okay to not be okay.
Singer Pink sings in her song "Nobody Knows":
"No one but me knows that I cry sometimes
If only I could pretend to be asleep when the tears start to flow
I'll peek out from behind these walls, I don't think anyone knows
Nobody cares
It's about winning or losing, not how you play the game
And the road to darkness has a way of always knowing my name
But I don't think anyone knows
That secret is safe with me"
A lot of people feel this way.
They suffer in silence, in their darkness, and no one knows what is actually happening in their soul, in their mind, in their heart. On the outside, they wear a smile to cover up their hardships and pains. In the song, she sings that "nobody knows." How can anyone know if we don't talk about it?
In one interview, the singer Jackson Wang talked about what helped him after he had a mental breakdown and closed himself off from the world.
"When I'm stressed and going through something, I'm not the kind of person who wants to talk to anyone. I don't want to burden others with my own problems, because they have theirs too. But the first time I talked to someone about my problems and feelings, I realised two things: that I was not alone and that what they told me was a different point of view, which helped me a lot. They opened my horizons. And the second I realised, why am I blocking my whole life? Why am I trying to find solutions myself? Why am I afraid to say that I am not well?'
So it was the realisation that he didn't have to suffer alone.
It's okay to not be okay.
Each of us goes through such a period. But it is important not to "dwell" on it for too long. Grief has its time and space, but we must not give it too much power, because over time it will overpower us very easily.
In the Pixar animation “Inside Out" it is beautifully illustrated. This animation is amazing. It shows how sadness is important in our lives. How sadness shows us that something is wrong and that we need to deal with it. It shows that it is not enough to just think positively, but we have to reach deep into our soul and honestly and openly admit that something is bothering us. To validate our emotions. It also shows us, that it is necessary to cry, to let us wash out the sadness, to let us not suffocate within and not run away from it. It doesn't mean that we should wallow in that sadness, just give it the space it needs and then get up, clean up the mess within and go "to fight on".
Furthermore, the story shows us that asking for help is not weakness, but courage. Even if others may not be able to help us, but the feeling that we are not alone in this, gives us great strength and can motivate us.
It doesn't matter if we have or don't have someone in our surrounding with whom we can talk to, because there is always professional help.
Many people are ashamed or feel that it is not necessary, and then it can be quite late and problems and negative emotions can overwhelm them. Some say that their problem is not so serious to need professional help from a therapist. But it's always better to go with a drop than later with a typhoon, because a drop to a drop can create a mega rolling wave.
What is the role of the therapist and what are the therapies about?
Nowadays, we have various therapies on the market. Are you also wondering how to choose the right therapy and therapist?
From classical:
psychiatrists, psychologists, psychotherapists who use various classical or modern methods of therapy, such as emotional therapy, behavioural therapy (behaviour therapy), psychoanalysis, psychodynamic therapy, cognitive therapy, humanistic therapy, integrative or holistic therapy, hypnosis, coaching and other, up to various alternative or modern therapies such as:
- EFT,
- Regression therapy,
- Psychosomatic therapy,
- CranioSacral therapy,
- Homeopathy,
- Quantum therapy,
- Art therapy,
- Aromatherapy,
- Acupuncture,
- Acupressure,
- Energy therapy,
- Reiki,
- Arolo
- Tifar
- Music and Vibrational therapy,
- Meditation
- and other…
Therapy and Therapist:
- The work of the therapist and the therapy is 10% and 90% is the work on yourself.
- Each therapy has pros and cons. One may work and the other may not. Just as in medicines (e.g. antibiotics may not work for everyone and for everything).
- More important than therapy is the choice of therapist. Is he trustworthy to you. Can you open up to him? Is he receptive enough. And most of all, most importantly, does he have HUMILITY and RESPECT for your process.
- Therapy is supposed to show you the way, motivate, start, inspire and support the treatment process, but in the end we have to complete the treatment ourselves with the support of the therapist and therapy.
- The therapist is not supposed to create addiction. It should teach us how to work on ourselves daily. His/Her job is to make sure we don't need him/Her anymore.
- Everyone is an individual, so the healing process takes a different time for everyone. You have to respect your own pace.
So, how to choose the right therapy? How to decide what, where and to whom?
Take advice from the universe, there are no coincidences, perceive the signs and listen to your intuition... What does catch your eye for no specific reason. Or you hear or read about it more than once as if in coincidence. Maybe he/she is exactly the therapist or therapy you should try. Sometimes references are not enough. Some may be comfortable with what others have tried, and some may not.
One of the most effective healing processes is "aha moment" in my opinion. What does it mean? It means that with the help and guidance of the therapist, the client himself will figure out and understand what all his pains and problems stem from.
- Get to the cause, to the essence of the problem.
- To Understand.
- To Forgive.
- To Let go.
Interestingly, research has confirmed that up to 80% of the problems we have today, which we have brought on ourselves, come from our childhood.
The way our parents raised us, the codes and rules they implemented in us. What environment we were brought up in, from the experiences and situations that happened to us and how we processed/did not process them in our first 8 years of life, including prenatal. Therefore, it is very important, even according to my more than 20 years of experience, to go to our childhood in any therapy.
In therapy, forgiveness is often the hardest thing for people to do.
A lot of people think that when they forgive, it means that the thing that happened to them is okay and they should forget about it. It's not like that at all. Forgiveness is not about the situation or the person or people who caused it. It's about freeing ourself from the "victim" position and realising that that thing doesn't have to define us anymore. All we have to do is allow ourself to break free from the shackles that bind us to that situation, that drags us down and weakens us.
"Forgiving someone does not mean excusing their behaviour. It doesn't even mean forgetting the way you were hurt. And don't let him{her continue to hurt you. To forgive means to come to terms with what happened. It means listening to your wounds. Allow yourself to feel your pain. Only then will you understand that you no longer need pain to cope. It means letting go of pain and anger in order to heal and move on. It won't happen right away, but you can handle it. Forgiveness is a gift especially for you. It is a process of letting go of the past and experiencing the Here and Now. When you have been able to forgive, you are truly free. To forgive means to release a prisoner. The prisoner you yourself were…”
~ Daniell Koepke
How are you today?
The last thing I would like to outline in this article is that when we ask someone how they are, let's stop and realise the essence of the question and give space and time to perceive it deeply and honestly.
Let's show the person we're asking that we really care.
The saddest people are often the ones who smile the most and not always the ones who complain the most.