Lazy vs. helicopter parents (who revolve around their children like propellers)
In psychology, it is written that "lazy" parents statistically turn out to be better parents for the future of their children. They teach them independence from a young age, build self-confidence in them, their children go out into the world sooner, they manage things in life better and they do better.
A "lazy" parent is said to show their children that they believe in them and trust that they can handle things on their own. Such a parent is not so tired of parental duties.
Children of "helicopter" parents have more trouble becoming independent and asserting themselves in life, and many times they fight against their parents and rebel more and harder because they want to prove that they are capable. Such a parent is often more stressed and exhausted. It can really be true here that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.
What does it mean to be a "lazy" parent?
- Less activity for parents and more activity for children.
- It is important to engage children in household chores from an early age. They are capable. They don't do it for us, they do it for themselves and for the family.
- A parent does not have to and should not do things for their children all the time.
- He should trust them and not always check on everything every time .
- Teach them to take responsibility for their actions. For example, when they don't do their homework, it's not good to push and force them to do it all the time (or even do the homework for them). Teach them self-motivation so that every action has its consequences and they should take responsibility for their results or grades. Let's be honest with ourselves, often the grade is not about the child's abilities, but about the parent's abilities. When a parent comes to their aid every single time, children in adulthood will think that they can and will get away with everything.
- Let's not forget that the child needs to feel that the parent stands behind him as support, but the actions and the results are in the child’s hands. Parents are more as motivators and observers.
- “Praise and support” are better than “help”. “Help” is short-term, but “praise and support” give long-term results. We show our children that we trust them that they can do it, and if they don't, we let them know with support that it's okay, because there is no such thing as failure, only a lesson. One learns the most from mistakes. It is necessary to let children know that trial and error are a part of life.
- Let them out into the world. Psychologists say that it is good for a child to learn to sleep with, for example, grandparents at an early age (of course, every child is different and the parent should evaluate for himself when is the right time). If not with grandparents, then with neighbours or friends. "Slumber parties" are useful for the development of a child's self-confidence and independence, but we must be sure that it is a healthy environment where we let him go. For example, we can start with a pyjama party at home or in a tent camping in the garden.
- As a true "lazy" parent, we do not look for solutions for our children, but support them in their own search for a solution.
Children can handle more than we think.
Let's trust them. Even if they won’t like it because they will have more responsibility, they will appreciate it in the future. And even if you as a parent won't like it, because you tend to be extremely protective, grit your teeth and let go.
Teach them to cook, pack for vacations, do laundry and ironing, wash dishes, shop, clean rooms, wash the car, mow the lawn, water or plant flowers, feed the animals, walk the animals, give you a massage... and more.
When to start?
Right away.
You can in a playful way, but mainly regularly.
Any responsibility shows them that they are important and that they are ai n important part of the running of the family and the household.