"We're beating around the Bush". Everyone wants to say something, but no one "has the balls" to say it...
I have to write about this. I am watching a film. Quite an interesting movie starring two of my favourite actresses, Meryl Streep and Candice Bergen, and a couple of other amazing actors. It's called "Let Them All Talk."
The whole story takes place aboard the luxury liner Queen Mary 2. What's interesting about this film is that it was filmed during an actual 8-day voyage from New York to London. The whole thing is based more on the improvisation of the actors, only the story line was set.
From a psychological point of view, this is an unusual sight.
People are talking but no one is saying anything. You know how it is when "beating around the bush". Everyone wants to say something, but none of them have the "balls" to say it, but thanks to the acting, you can see it on their faces. I have to admit, it really irritates me when someone is not honest and squirms around like a "fart in pants”.
Lessons learned from the movie:
- Communicate. Communication is the foundation of any relationship. You don't have to spit everything right away, everything has its time, mode and tone.
- Communicate in a timely manner, don't wait too long. The longer you wait, the harder it will be not only to express yourself, but also to be heard. The longer you wait, the heavier the burden will be. Sometimes it can be too late.
- Communicate without anger. When a person is angry, he says somethings that can hurt and make the whole situation even worse. When we get angry, we don't speak from the heart, and later we can blame ourselves and maybe feel even worse.
- Communicate, but more importantly, listen. Try to listen to understand and not to react. If we listen to respond, we're not looking for understanding, we're looking for a fight, and most of the time we find it.
- Communicate with an effort to forgive, but do not expect forgiveness from the other party.
- Communicate in peace. Often the tone of voice is more important than the word. Many people do not hear a person's words when they shout, but only perceive that they are shouted at.
- Talk about what you feel. No one can argue with that because it is something that is real to you. Feelings are yours and you have the right to them, we are human beings. Pain, anger, jealousy, envy, feelings of being insulted, humiliation and other emotions are part of our life and are natural and everyone feels them, it's just important not to be influenced by them and internally be devoured and exhausted by them.
- When you communicate, do not talk about the fault of the other person, because when you point one finger at another, you are pointing three fingers at yourself. All involved parties are always responsible for the conflict. Not saying how you feel is also a cause of conflict. Even if you feel that the conflict was created by the other person, you continue to "feed" it.
- If you don't want to communicate because you're sure that the other party won't listen (and the question is, are you sure?), then be okay with it, don't drag it behind you, communicate it in yourself, forgive and let go.
- Don't be afraid to communicate your emotions, even if you may be rejected or misunderstood, it is so important that it frees you. It will take a while, it needs time, but believe me, it's always better to let it out than to keep it inside.
- Do not assume that the other person knows what you are thinking and feeling. Very few people are empathic and telepathic and understand what you are going through. If you want them to know, tell them. When someone asks what's wrong with you, don't say "NOTHING" if something is really wrong.
- Don't lie. Lying gets you into trouble and is often a sign of weakness.
- Whenever you want to go into a conflict, think about whether "you want to be right or you want peace", because you can't always have both. And another question you should ask yourself is "what's in it for you to be right and is it worth it". You know you are right and the question is whether it is really necessary for the whole world to know it too. Of course, sometimes yes, but then you accept or should accept the consequences of that struggle.
If the characters from the film told each other what was on their hearts, they could not only enjoy the cruise much more, but also each other and could not only heal their relationships, but also themselves...
Well, then again, the director would have nothing to talk about.
There is another interesting scene where two young people go to the planetarium on that ship in the evening to see the stars on the cinema screen. This is a moment of absolute absurdity, because when a person is in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, where he could see the real stars live and enjoy the exquisite universe above him, but instead they are engaged by an unreal, artificial world.
To enjoy life, what we have and everyday little things without the emotional burden of being uncommunicated.
"Let them all speak."