What to do when our parents or loved ones have died and we have unresolved issues with them?
I don't really like watching serious movies because we have a lot of serious topics in real life. And especially in my work as a therapist, I see and hear more than enough of those stories. That's why I like to watch more fantasy and crazy stories as a form of therapy, because I usually need to entertain myself, laugh or just relax.
But once in a while I get my hands on something wonderful.
The film “Love is Love is Love”, especially the last story, hit the spot. It touched the topic of death. It struck a chord with me about my mom, who died when I was around 22. The film has a lot of psychological aspects, you just need to listen to the conversations of people discussing exactly the things we should all be talking about.
Briefly, the third story is about a woman who invited her mother's friends to lunch after her mother's sudden death. They knew her mother throughout her life. She talked to them about her mother and through their eyes she suddenly saw her mother in a completely different light.
Unresolved issues …
It discusses the topic of how we don't actually know our parents at all... How their death affects us, regardless of whether we have a good or bad relationship with them. Mostly if we have unsaid or unresolved issues with them. Or how the thought "tomorrow is also a day, so I'll wait" is in many cases devastating.
Mental blockages and programs in the subconscious through the eyes of a therapist
As a therapist, I have learned that some of the most basic blockages and programs that we have, that hold us back in our lives, that strongly influence us, are our settings from our parents, from our childhood surroundings and people who influenced us when we were kids. The views and values of our parents, the social and religious settings, the educational system and our environment. Also the way we, with our own specific nature, perceive all these things will influence our feelings and interactions with them. Therefore, overall, this topic is essential in the healing of the mind and soul. Mainly our relationship with our parents. In Therapy processes it is often easier to deal with our issues with our parents when they are still alive than when they are no longer with us.
In the film, you can see how the daughter's soul is slowly, gradually healed, as she gets closer to her mother thanks to her mother's friends. How she begins to understand her, how she not only forgives her mother, but also herself. How it helps her in the perception of not only her mother, but also herself. How it helps her in the decision process in her own life. We very often do not even know the soul of our parents, and if we do find out, we would probably be very surprised.
Death…
Another thing that the film showed me, which I think is very important, is that I realised that we hardly ever talk about death or the dead. The story shows how sad-beautiful, very relieving and healing for our soul it is to celebrate the life of the person who isn’t with us anymore. This way, the person remains in our life and his/her life takes on a completely different dimension and receives a completely different meaning. When I leave this world, I would be very pleased if people would not forget me and a part of me and and a part of my energy would remain in this world through people sharing various stories they experienced with me.
Our friend recently left this world very young. We think about her very often and talk about everything we experienced with her. This gives us the feeling that she is still with us and, that she still teaches us something, that we still laugh with her, that we still cry with her, that her life not only had meaning and value, but she remains with us in full.
One of my teachers once told me: "Live your life in such a way that every day is a good day to die."
He explained to me that I should always imagine before going to sleep that I won't get up in the morning. And let me think if I lived to the fullest that day and if the people around me know how much I love them. He told me not to go to bed with, for example, anger, frustration and unresolved issues. I've been trying to live this way for years. If I have something unresolved, I either call the person in question or write a text message, or I sort it out in my own soul and try to go to sleep with a clean slate and a “tidied desk”.
Watch the movie and let me know whether any other interesting topics popped out and touched your soul. Feel free to also write me about other movies or series that touched you deeply, that maybe became your therapy session.