Trauma and a drink called "Marhulovica"
There are many traumatic events that happen in a person’s life, but there are some Trauma's that are hidden
Me and my friend were sitting on the rooftop of my house and were chatting and drinking “Marhulovica” which is a Slovak strong digestive made from apricot. We drank the whole bottle. Yes you read it correctly, we drank the whole bottle of home made, clear, fruit, 50% alcohol bottle as if drinking was a sports. And then? We went to lie down on the grass and watch the stars. I never said we were very intelligent then. The next day was hell. The world was a merry go round and my stomach acted like it was doing spring cleaning and through out everything. And the fun part was, that day I was invited to go on a boat trip with friends on the River Danube. Just writing about it now brings me a headache, my stomach is doing somersaults and it is all giving me goosebumps. And not the nice kind. I can’t stand the smell of that drink anymore even though the event happened around 20 years ago.
That is called a trauma reaction.
This is a very simple explanation of how trauma works.
There are many traumatic events that happen in a person’s life that are very clear and understandable why that person would develop a post traumatic stress disorder. War, death, rape, physical assault, sexual assault, physical and mental abuse and other. The trauma can create different mental or even health issues. The symptoms vary from person to person and they can be triggered by even the simplest things like our own thoughts and feelings, as well as words from others, or objects, colours, sounds or situations that are reminders of the event. For example just the thought of the drink, or the smell of the drink can trigger nausea in me. Ble
Are there many events, that seem harmless but can create a traumatic experience and influence our lives?
Even though this specific experience of mine didn’t drastically influence or change my life, from my experience there are other seemingly light situations that have an enormous impact on some lives and may create a traumatic response.
I will give you some examples from my life or from stories of my clients. I have asked for permission to write about them of course.
Maybe these examples may give you an understanding of why you act in a certain way in some situations that is maybe even illogical and irrational.
My story:
When I got pregnant with my daughter I started vomiting from the moment second week of pregnancy. I lost almost 8KG in two weeks. In the hospital they diagnosed me with hepatopathy (Liver disease) pregnancy. The doctor told me I need to go for an abortion. He told me to decide between my life and my child’s. Even though the situation resolved itself very quickly, because it wasn’t as serious as it seemed at the beginning, the second the doctor uttered the words, something was imbedded within me. My daughter was my second child, but the fear I felt for that baby was immensely different from my fear for my son. Just the idea of having the abortion created a trauma of loosing a child.
Words count.
We have heard many things in our lives that were told to us by our close ones and even by strangers that could have planted a seed that grew within us and influenced our everyday reactions. Even we may have said things that could have not only triggered a trauma response but also created a trauma on itself.
My client 1:
My client’s child had a stutter that developed later on in her life, specifically during puberty. They had a seemingly great relationship as mother and daughter, so she didn’t understand why her daughter became very quiet all of a sudden and when she talked, it was very difficult for her to express herself fluently. During our sessions we found out the reason.
One day her daughter came home excited. She was a very hyperactive and loud child, but her mother was usually very patient. On that day my client had an extremely difficult day. She also had a excruciating headache. When her daughter came home a chatterbox of stories her mother wasn’t able to be as attentive as always and asked her daughter to tell her the stories later. The child didn’t understand and as it goes with kids, she continued in bombarding her mother. My client snapped and told her daughter to “shut up”. That was the trauma that created the symptoms.
That was not all. It also surfaced another trauma response in the mother that she had and it is the fear of not being good enough, fear of making mistakes and hurting her child. The symptoms of her mother was deep anxiety from holding back anger, frustration, fatigue and other. That is why her “shut up” had such a strong impact, because it was as if a bomb exploded from build up.
How was that trauma created? Somewhere in childhood by being abandoned by someone she loved.
Abandonment is a traumatic event and it can trigger many different responses. But be sure to know, we don’t need to be abandoned by our parents to have a traumatic response. Even if a close friend moves away to another city or country can create very deep wounds.
Relationships are hard and parenthood is the hardest, but fear of making mistakes just attracts even bigger mistakes. The best way how to be a good parent or a partner is to heal our inner traumas so they wont be triggered in the wrong time, at the wrong place, towards the wrong person.
My client 2:
I guess you heard of people traumatised by darkness or becoming claustrophobic because of being either accidentally locked somewhere and couldn’t get out or stuck in for example an elevator or other. My client had a similar experience, but the reason for the trauma wasn’t the darkness, or the claustrophobic space, or the fear of not being able to get out. No. His trauma was created by the response of his surrounding after getting out. “Oh come on, it’s nothing.” “Don’t cry, you are a man. You shouldn’t be afraid of the darkness.” Laughing at him, trivialising his experience and not validating his emotions. He created trust issues. His future trauma responses were not opening up to anybody, seeming cold to others, becoming an introvert where before he wasn’t. Such a seemingly small issue created such an enormous twist in his life.
Validation of experience and emotions is so important. What may seem trivial to us, may be a huge issue for others. Never underestimate a story. There can be many hidden cracks, subtle breaks, unsteady walls, wobbly pillars created in a seemingly ordinary life experience.
So many things can be a trauma? Yes.
In my more than 25 years of experience with working with people and 50 something of living this life I can tell you this: every one of us has a trauma.
** Some we can live with and don’t need to really solve, like drinking or not drinking peach liquor.
** Some are visibly necessary to work on to be able to function properly so we can have a normal life like from assault or abuse trauma or any other strong trauma that created heavy mental issues like PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).
** And some are so hidden, forgotten, or suppressed.
** And then we have the most common, usually underrated traumas. Those are the many everyday stories of our life from childhood that are misunderstood as trivial, but create a trauma which is seemingly harmless but can create a distortion in our lives and may stand in our way and make blocks towards our happiness and success.
Understand what is your trauma, see if it is in your way and how it blocks your life and decide which to work on.
Have I solved my nausea from apricot liqueur? NO, Have I solved my fear of heights? NO, but I solved my trauma of flying, because I love to travel and I wanted to travel with comfort.
You have no idea how many times I have heard clients tell me that they are sorry to come with such a small issue. But I always tell them “It is always better to come with a drop of water to dry, because the drop to a drop can create a tsunami.”